Homeschooling for 3

Although I always did well academically in school, I had few aspirations of attending college. Being part of the “Witness Protection Program” as my husband jokingly refers to the religion that I grew up in, higher education was frowned upon. It was even implied that those who chose to pursue a college education were “spiritually weak” and need to be helped. If you knew the hierarchy as I do, you’d understand that anyone who is taught to think logically would be a threat to their absolute power, and so much be thwarted at every turn. Now, back to the topic at hand — the true purpose of education.

Although I didn’t attend college, most people assumed I had some college background. This used to punish me until an older person told me that all college taught them how to do was research to find the answers they sought. And that’s when I knew why people always assumed I was “properly” schooled – I’m intellectually curious and once I am intrigued by an idea I do lots of research until I reach a level of understanding to which I’m comfortable. Reading this chapter really made me appreciate my “nosiness” about the world around me; who would have guessed that the majority of people are so happy being ignorant after they receive that little piece of paper from an institution of higher learning.

I loved Henry Ford’s answer to the “educated” legal eagles that were swarming around him. And I agree 110% with his answer, any question that you may conceive has been answered by someone else – so all you have to do is find them. One of the reasons that I choose to home school my children is because I want to instill (or infect) my kids with an intellectual curiosity. Sadly, the educational system has been reduced to lab rat examinations that check your ability to be a professional test taker and fill little circles with lead. The tests aren’t about how you use your knowledge or extrapolation of knowledge to solve problems that aren’t directly connected to the subject. Talented teachers are wasted because the boards are more concerned with the ability to mindlessly regurgitate information than with the ability to use knowledge in unique and wonderful ways.

At first, when I was reading the chapter I was so caught up in the irony of his words penned almost a century ago and comparing it to the sad state of educational affairs today. But once I mentally got off my soap box, I started learning a few things about avoiding being educationally stifled as an adult. I did take college courses as an adult, and was an A student. And the reason for this (besides my natural brilliance – LOL!) was due to the fact that I was paying $375 per credit and I was darn well going to get the highest grade possible. I actually stopped going to college because I became pregnant with my second child and started having pregnancy amnesia – forgetting about assignments, classes, etc. So, I dropped out because I wasn’t about to waste my money taking classes when I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get 100% out of it.

Education is only worthwhile if you are going to use the knowledge for something immediately. It’s not to be gathered and hoarded as an escape raft or as a magic bullet for some nebulous “what if” scenario. Knowledge is here to be used and to help us better our lives and the lives of others. One of the most ridiculous displays of “information hoarding” happened when I was in 10^th grade. I was assigned to metal shop, but for some reason (maybe I was sick) I wasn’t there the first week. Naturally, I hadn’t seen the demonstrations and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do to get my project started. I asked one of my classmates to help me and I was told “if I show you, you might get a better grade than me.” And the jerk wouldn’t show me! I thought that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard – it was metal shop for gosh sake! But in his mind that little bit of knowledge meant (to him at least) some kind of power or standing. In actuality, he showed himself to be less powerful or commanding because the sharing of things is what brings power to you.

One way to make specialized knowledge work in our favor is to share it with others. In the cases that Napoleon Hill told, each of those people took their specialized knowledge and marketed (or shared it) with others who were in need of their expertise. It isn’t enough to feel proud that you have degrees in this that and the other thing – you must share them or else you will become extinct. And it is necessary, as living and (hopefully) thinking human beings to take stock of ourselves. We need to question what are abilities are, what we could do better, where we could serve ourselves and others better.

The case of Mr. Wier struck a chord in my family because my husband is in a similar position with his job. He’s been trying to see where his next move should be, but has been unsure of what the right move might be. But Mr. Hill helped us to appreciate that any move is better than staying in a dead end position or being in a rut that will eventually cause us harm. As long as we are breathing, we should be growing and changing, and the ways we make a livelihood should be no different. An educated man knows when to seek out new paths and how to find his way by seeking out the expertise of others who have gone through the experience. The Mastermind groups that were discussed in Chapter 1 now hold more weight with me. Since I have been with Mentoring for Free I have learned so much about myself, my husband and my children. I am relating better to them and helping them to learn how to be happier people. And that ability has come through associating with people who are also on the journey of self-knowledge. My conversations with my friends (who aren’t involved with MMF) have also changed and I’ve had many comments about my “wisdom”. That really cracks me up because I’m just applying what Michael outlined for the Mental Cleanse – successful people talk about ideas, not other people. And coming from a gossipy group (see “Witness Protection Plan”) I was amazed at how easy it has been to stop worrying about everyone else’s drama and to concentrate on what I need to do with my life.

Mr. Hill has strengthened my refusal to compromise with life by accepting and keeping a job, a person, a place or anything else that I do not want. I control my success or failure and not the whim of fate. And associating with people who are doing well, can only make me do better. And learning to remain focused (boy is that one tiring) and making a plan of action is the only way to avoid mediocrity in our personal, financial and spiritual lives.

This was a great chapter for me (especially after last week’s kick in the head – it’s so hard being blue!).

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am taking a 30 day mental cleanse to help my family life, my business and myself. I have been learning a lot about how my own mind works, and consequently how other people’s minds work too.

One of the most beneficial things to come out of this course, however, is my newfound compassion for my four year old daughter, Alaya. She’s always been a challenge for me because she’s very strong-willed, but clingy at the same time. Teaching her is more challenging that it was teaching her older sister. And now I know why. We’re different colors.

My lovely little girl is Yellow. What does that mean? Well, in a nutshell it means that she’s an open, but indirect personality. It is harder for her to express herself than it is for me. She’s more thoughtful and “mystical” if you will. We can go on a walk, and while I enjoy the scenery, she wants to examine each leaf, stone and twig. She can become entranced by a caterpillar walking across a blade of grass and spend hours watching its progress. And that’s fine and good, but when we have an appointment or need to get something accomplished it would drive me crazy.

She’s also more sensitive to criticism and the moods of people around her. She needs more time to be cuddled, to be stroked and soothed when something goes wrong. And I can do that, but sometimes the things that go wrong in her mind are complete mysteries to me. She can begin a cryfest for no discernible reason and that leads to frustration on both of our parts.

I, on the other hand, am Blue. I’m happy go lucky, catch on to things quickly, am always rushing to the next adventure and want to get things done so that I can do the fun things in life. So, you can see how her style and my style will cause clashes from time to time. And they have in the past, and I’m sure that we’ll have them in them in the future as well. But the great thing is that I now understand who I’m dealing with a lot better than I did before.

So now when we practice reading or working on math, I put her on my lap. I don’t rush her when I’m working with her. Time has no meaning to her and the more I try to set time boundaries, the longer everything takes (sigh). I make a concerted effort to actively listen to her long stories and long explanations. I understand now that this kind of attention is necessary for her to grow up healthy both in body and mind. I praise her and make sure that she appreciates how wonderful she really is and how much I appreciate her.

Now her sister, Jade, and I are the same colors, so schoolwork is a breeze (because we both just want to get done with it so that we can do some really fun stuff). So, now I’m teaching her that she needs to be more patient with her sister and appreciate the fact that she is so aware of the things around us. Many times she has opened our eyes to our surroundings and we’ve been awestruck with the beauty that she’s discovered. So, although there are times I’d like to pull my hair out, my little Yellow is a gift designed to help me smell the roses instead of blowing by them in my jet plane.

The Power of Autosuggestion

I guess the one thing that stood out for me in this chapter is how unfocused my powers of concentration are. I was all prepared to be able to nod my head in agreement at the brain’s ability to deal with challenges as long as you prep it correctly from the beginning. My mother is a big proponent of this and emphasized this to me while growing up. I have convinced myself numerous times before undergoing an invasive dental treatment or other physically uncomfortable situations to think that I was lounging on the beach or doing something else pleasant. And this worked for me during the majority of my unpleasant visits. I just knew that I had this chapter already under control.

But as with all aspects of life, the universe has a sense of humor. I learned that not only don’t I have this skill under control; I don’t even have the ability to make my imagination work on demand! I have written a goal statement (but I’m unsure if I’ve done it correctly, so that in itself makes it not as effective as it could be) and I have been working on repeating it during the day. But this chapter challenged me to actually visualize the amount of money that I wanted to make – to feel it, see it, smell it and imagine myself using the money for various charities and personal pursuits. And I couldn’t do it.

Now, I have a very overactive imagination and can imagine all kinds of fantastical things, but I couldn’t see the money. My stated goal is $120,000. I tried visualizing it as bags of money – nope too vague. I tried visualizing it in stacks of bills. That was didn’t work. Then I tried to imagine a check with that number on it, but that wasn’t compelling to me and I couldn’t imagine handling it, so that was another blown idea. Finally, I decided to go to Wikipedia and the U.S. Treasury site to find pictures of money to help my ailing imagination fixate on. I found the $100,000 bill with Woodrow Wilson on it (and since I don’t like Woodrow Wilson, that was a whole other form of distraction) and Salmon P. Chase on the $10,000 bill. So, I had my husband print up color copies of the bills for me to place around my work area and other strategic places in our home. But yet again, I can’t hold the pictures in my head because I can’t stand Woodrow Wilson. So, I’m just going to have 12 copies of the $10,000 bank note as inspiration.

What this chapter (and exercise) helped me to appreciate is that I let all kinds of foolish things (e.g., Woodrow Wilson) distract me from my personal goals. I mean, so what Woodrow Wilson was a jerk, what does that have to do with the money I want in my bank account? I can verbalize the silliness, but am having a devil of a time telling my brain to shut up and do the exercise. So, for me, I think I need to schedule some quiet/isolation time to fight with my brain and tell it who’s running this show. In the past, I’ve let it run amuck and now I’m sick and tired of being an unwitting passenger on the twists and turns that live within a blue’s cranium.

So, although we are going on to Chapter 5, I will be working in Chapter 4 for a while longer as I work on following the steps outlined and actually visualizing what needs to be seen in order for me to achieve the level of success that I know is available to me. This has been the most sobering chapter for me so far, but I’m grateful that I’m learning to recognize and address what I never thought of as a problem before.

Respectfully,

Cheryl Henderson-Khalid

This chapter didn’t resonate with me as strongly as the previous ones. Perhaps because I have always been a person of strong faith (not just religious, but in others and their abilities). It’s one of the things that keeps me going when life becomes inexplicable. It’s what keeps me calm when others wonder why I’m not panicking in situations. I remember when my son was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and his vital signs being low, one of the things my midwife told me afterwards is that she was impressed by my calm and obvious faith that things would turn out okay.

At the time, I was of course concerned about Michael, but I had faith that Andrea would do all that she could to get him stablized. I had faith that the hospital that I had chosen was well-equipped and knew what they were doing. I also had faith that regardless of the outcome, God would sustain me through it. And because of that I wasn’t crying, screaming or panicky. Faith is a tangible thing with me.

One of the points that I had never considered, however, was the power of auto-suggestion and the way emotions can strengthen or weaken my faith. I learned about auto-suggestion while in high school. My father was an alcoholic and I grew up believing that everything was my fault (although no one actually said it) and I didn’t deserve to be here. The voices in my head told me that everything was my fault, no one loved me and I deserved to die. My friends came up with a mantra of sorts that really snapped me out of it and made me more confident. I remember repeating over and over “It’s not my fault, people do love me, and I’m here to stay.” This went on for about 2 years, and by my Junior year I was feeling really great about myself and my abilities. But for some reason, I stopped using auto-suggestion to help me in other areas. Mr. Hill has shown me the error of that omission.

My self-confidence is much higher than it’s ever been, because as I go through this book I am remembering the power and feeling that I had when I unknowingly applied the principles that we are learning about each week. Now the challenge is to make them a part of my daily life so that I can achieve even more and be able to help others effectively.

I’m a blue, so now my problem is to figure out the first set of affirmation statements to get this party rolling. I can come up with 1,000 different things I want to change, but narrowing it down to a list of importance is very difficult.

So far, I know that I will provide a positive and loving example for my children. I will to be prosperous and have a strong business and skill set to pass on to my children and others who are groping to find their way. I will have fun in my endeavors and live the lifestyle that I’ve always dreamed about — travelling with my family and having my husband be able to pursue his interests without the worry of how to pay the next bill.

One other thing that did intrigue me about the chapter was the reference to Abraham Lincoln and his true love. Although I’ve felt myself blossoming during my relationship with my husband, I never thought of love as being such a key component to reaching the success that I imagine. But it is true, because of my faith and trust in him I feel free to pursue my ideas and reach out for help when I need it. I have also been put into more contact with like-minded people than I have ever been exposed to before. So, I must thank my husband for this great and generous gift.

Respectfully,

I never realized, until this week, why I am not in a better financial position. But when I read Chapter 2 the answer smacked me in the head with the force of Mt. Vesuvius’ explosion. Financially I live in what I now call “survival mode” because that’s what I asked for long ago. I have unwittingly set myself to always struggle with money.

On the other hand, my “twin” (actually my neice but we’re a month apart in age and extremely close) has always had the mindset that she’s going to be rich and she’s going to have things. And she does. She has investment property, her own cleaning company, is a realtor and works a regular 9-5. But she does all of that because she was determined to prove the negative people in our family to be liars about her abilities and ideas. And she has proved it not only to herself, but to the naysayers as well. And the only difference in our situations is that she had a goal and I just wanted to survive.

What led me to this ephiphany was the resistant feeling that I got while reading about creating a Desire for wealth and riches. So, I re-read the paragraphs again. And again. Then, finally I heard myself saying, “I just want enough money so that I can stay home with my children.” And that was the moment that opened my eyes. I had only asked for enough to survive, never enough to thrive and explore. As I assimilated that thought I was freed from one small portion of my unconcious self-imprisonment.

Before reading this chapter, I have always said that I wanted enough money so that I can stay home with my children. And, I have always received just enough money to stay home with the kids and pay the monthly bills. And that’s it. I was truly a living example of the poem that is within Chapter 2 — “I bargained with life for a penny and life would pay me no more.”

So, what do I do with myself now? It’s time to flip the script and redefine my financial goals in life. As an appointment setter, I once earned $7,500 for one month’s worth of work. Why? Because I had promised my daughters a Dollhouse bunkbed which was expensive and a wooden floor to make cleaning easier and I wasn’t about to break a promise.

And I am not going to break a promise to myself. I promise that I will not settle for less than $7,500/mo. in my life. I want to enjoy life with my family, allow them to travel and experience different cultures while they are still young enough and open enough to marvel at the many ways people live. I want my husband to stop having to commute across two states to keep us housed and fed. I want to be able to indulge others with unexpected gifts without worrying about making the next set of bills. I want a life that is defined by my dreams, and not by my bills. And I’m going to get it!

Chapter 2 has been a revelation for me. I still have a lot of self-evaluation to do within myself on this subject, but I am already one step closer to achieving the lifestyle that I want for myself and my family. Now my journey truly begins.

Although I had read through it on my own, since I started attending the Mental Cleanse classes I have learned how to read it with a stronger sense of purpose. Thank you.

I have not been able to find the time to sit down and do my blog lately because I’ve been very busy learning about a most intriguing subject — myself. Part of my New Year’s Resolution is to begin working on myself so that I can be the type of mentor, friend, mother, teacher that I have always wanted to be.

Part of this process has been to engage in a 30 Day Mental Cleanse with the help of the publication “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. I was introduced to this process by my newest friend and mentor, Pat Crosby (pat.mentoringforfree.com) and it’s been a great help to me.

Each week we consider one chapter from the book and see how the lessons contained within can help each of us to be a better person. It’s so great to hear how differently each chapter affects (and reveals) portions of the group’s life and belief system.

I’ve included one of the first lessons from the book that I did, just to “prove” (LOL!) that I haven’t just been a slacker with the blog. I hope you enjoy it.

This week’s chapter was very compelling for me. I found that I was
able to relate best to Mr. Barnes and his experience because of having to do
something similar in my own life. Henry Ford proved that being determined
to accomplish something, regardless of how “impossible” it may seem is
necessary to be able to attain any type of goal.

Regardless of what we are doing, there is always a time when our
goal seems impossible or inaccessible. If, however, we allow
ourselves to be stopped each time something came up that required us to
look outside of the box, we would be no better than drones or
robots. Humans have been blessed with the ability to think
outside of the box, and to continuously put ourselves into a box is
both unnatural and unhealthy. Yet, this is what most of us have been taught to limit ourselves since infancy. And when we were infants that was fine because we wouldn’t be here (as evidenced by my son who likes to climb on top of tall things and lean over just to give me a heart attack). However, as we enter adulthood, many of the strictures that we were under have to be re-evaluated according to relevance and importance in our lives. Unfortunately, most of us live life on cruise control and never realize that we can “shift gears” at will.

That’s why I found the explanation of Henley’s poem to be so very interesting. The idea that the human brain is a magnet is a very strong word picture for me.
When I was in school we learned about convolutions in the brain and I’ve watched
documentaries on how the brain works and the imaging techniques that show how
different areas of the brain “light up” depending on what we are doing. It
also brings to mind one my computer programming teachers who explained that the
computer isn’t right or wrong, it only does what it is programmed to
do. So, if we wanted better success with our programs, we had to set better
parameters.

So, our brains are just as impartial — our programming (negative or positive) will set the parameters that our brain uses to make things happen. Our brain is our tool and is designed to attract only those things within its parameters. That makes a huge amount of sense to me. I have never been in true poverty, but neither have I been
financially well off either. I now realize that I have settled for what
was the “norm” for people that I knew. Everyone had money to take a
vacation once every 2-3 years and to cover the basic necessities, but no one
could ever say “I’m taking a year off” without expecting to be homeless.

It also explains why I was always able to get work when others in
my group were not. I never believed that I would ever be
unemployable. I went through the same interviewing/rejection/sitting
around agencies for the next lead experiences as my friends, but never once did
I doubt that I would find a job. And I was always the one who got the jobs
first. The others, the worriers and doubters, took much more time to
achieve the positions that I did. And according to their “programming” I
did all of the wrong things. I stood up for myself, said “no” first,
complained when I thought it was necessary and had no fear of speaking to those
who were my supervisors or bosses. Amazingly, I never once worried about
being fired because of my actions, whereas I had a few friends fired for silly
misdemeanors. I realize now that my brain was attracting my employers,
whereas my friends were attracting unemployment. Wow!

So, I need to re-evaluate my expectations and shake off the shackles of my upbringing, as well using the criteria for success to choose the people whom I will
associate with on a regular basis. No more doomsayers for me. Only then
will I be able to provide the type of lifestyle that I think my family
enjoys. And only by maintaining my focus on the good things that life has
to offer can I readily attain them.

Respectfully,

Cheryl Henderson-Khalid