Homeschooling for 3

My life is an upside down mess. For the first time in our marriage we have bought furniture for our home. That sounds strange when you take into account that we’ve been together for a decade, but there were circumstances. The small apartment I escaped to when I left my first husband didn’t require anything more than a bed – the landlady provided a kitchen table and that’s about all that could fit in there. Then we moved to our new home and lost our jobs. So, that kind of put a damper on any home shopping sprees. We bought what we needed for the children and made due with hand-me-downs and furniture left by the previous owners. But now we’ve bought a houseful of furniture.

I am ecstatic because for the first time, before having furniture that conforms to some kind of theme, I will have the storage that I desperately need for my sanity. Homeschooling, working from home and having 3 children with 3 sets of toys can be challenging, especially when you don’t really have a lot of shelves or storage units. The first pieces of furniture have trickled in and I have been ranting and raving to my children that once I get their area set up anything that I find on the floor belongs to the garbage. I am just so tired of repeating myself and telling the girls to be neater that I’ve gotten to the “raving maniac, maybe I need a tranquilizer” stage of motherhood.

With the help of my good friend Franchesca, the storage drawers are ready to be filled and organized. I took the big things and placed them in drawers (that I’ve labeled and my 1 year old has torn off). I set up the bookcases to hold the overflow of books that we own. I’ve put the Pokémon and other small figurines into their respective homes and I was feeling mighty pleased with myself. I had my daughters help me with the sweeping and disposition of items. My eldest daughter, Jade, starts weeping for no apparent reason and starts going through the garbage bag that I brought upstairs. I asked her what was wrong and she just gets more hysterical and starts pulling out pieces of paper that have lain on the floor for 200 years or more. She claims that these are her “favorite” sheets of paper, broken toy, etc. Now, my daughter is basically waving the red flag in front of a bull. So, I go off and start fussing about “important things” aren’t left on the floor to be stepped on and ruined. “Important things” are not left to grow mold, dust or whatever that was on some of the things that I’ve put into the garbage.

Of course, she sobs more, I tell myself to shut up and just clean and let her work it out for herself. She cries for at least a half hour after that while her sister and I are finishing the cleaning process. Suddenly, Jade throws herself into my arms and starts a fresh wave of tears. So, I just hold her for a while and start humming to the music on the radio. Finally she stops crying and tells me that she’s feeling sick. I tell her to go to lie down in her bed for a few minutes. She tells me that she’s not that kind of sick. Then I ask her what she means and she tells that she’s sick because she doesn’t treat her things well. Then she asks me if I can teach her to how to treat her things better. I was shocked! Here I was ranting and raving and the poor girl really doesn’t understand what she’s supposed to do with her things! Talk about feeling 2 inches high!

Today’s little drama with my daughter brought home to me just how much there is for me to teach and for her to learn. It also has made me realize that I haven’t been a very good example for her over the past year or so. With the birth of my son, increased work responsibilities and the cyber charter schoolwork, I have not been demonstrating organizational skills on anything higher than the basic, car keys are in the dish and my head is on my neck. The cyber charter school, while great for some families, really put a crimp in our fun activities since we were trying to keep up with their artificial 9 month schedule rather than the year-long homeschooling that we had practiced in the past.

The reorganization of our lives by returning to traditional homeschooling, buying furniture and planning where things go rather than putting them wherever we have space is really going to be an adjustment for everyone, including me. Being a blue personality, continuity and consistency is not always a strong suit, so I’ll have to make a conscious effort to be more organized than ever before. The great thing about my household makeup is that my husband is a green (hyper-organized when given the chance) and he can make up my consistency deficiencies and help our children to be more aware of their surroundings. One of the good things about being a couple for so long is that we can pick up where the other left off without too much difficulty. And it helps that I’m not always the bad guy in the family. J

And, it also means that I have to be more patient with myself, as well as the children when it comes to our “New World Order” of things in the house. With bookcases, shelving, drawer space and new bedroom furniture, etc. everyone will have to get out of the habit of finding the cleanest available spot for their things and really think about what they are doing. I am sure that with everyone pulling together to make this transition, I’ll be able to actually relax in my own home, for the first time in about four years, knowing that this orderliness is the beginning of greater time freedom for me to enjoy my little people.

a

This has been a great week of learning for me. After listening to the many calls one of my realizations is that I need to change my “Motto” or self-talk. I adapted mine from Michael’s and it has been great, but I need to work on one that is a little more personal now. I guess that shows growth. I realize that there are a few little flies buzzing inside of my head that I need to get a fly swatter (e.g., self-talk) after so that I can move forward with my goals.

One thing that I have realized is that I need to reassure myself that regardless of what I do or say, love exists in abundance and if I alienate one person because of my firm stand to do what I know to be right, then so be it. I don’t know how I could have forgotten so easily the words that Jesus spoke to his would-be-disciples. He told them that even if their mother or brothers renounced them for putting faith in him, they would receive a plethora of mothers and brothers exercising their right to believe and live in a different way. Sometimes that is a hard concept for me to grasp. Being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness where friendship and love is conditional (as directed by the organization – the people can be very caring, but blindly follow the lead of the yahoos at the top), it requires a lot of faith to know that the associates that I choose to befriend now will be with me for the long-haul. No one can do a recall on their kindness and encouragement. I realized that this is one of the fears that have hampered me from acquiring financial success.

After listening to the many calls and lessons last week, I realized that my portion of the motto was focused on others more than on myself. I love my children and give them unconditional love, but I haven’t given myself permission to love myself unconditionally. The values that I want to teach my children can only be imprinted if I actively display them on a daily basis. Since I have always had a good work ethic, it is redundant, and really an echo of my upbringing that I’m not working hard enough. So, that sentence has to go too. Michael told one of the writers for last week’s lesson that the best part of her motto was when she said that it was “none of my business what others think of me”. That really struck a chord with me, and I was surprised. I tell myself that I don’t care about what others think, but I still hedge around things, like going to a church that is not the Kingdom Hall, when I talk to my mother. I believe that when she finds out that will be the end of our relationship. And as much as I joke about it, the idea that she’ll completely shut me out does bother me.

I’m not ready yet to tell her that the best thing for our relationship is never to discuss religious choices, but I know it’s coming soon. And, as with most things that we dread, it probably won’t be as bad as my imagination is building it up to be. That’s one of the other things that I need to incorporate in my self-talk – the strong belief that the choices that other people make don’t have anything to do with me. If she chooses to never speak to me (or my children) again, she is the one who is losing out on some great experiences, but that she’s allowed to make that choice, the same way that I make my choices today. That’s a hard one, so I guess I need to include that at the top of my list. J

I also realized that self-talk isn’t as difficult as I have made it out to be in my mind. There’s a scripture that keeps repeating in my head (partly because it was put to a melody) and I’ve noticed that whenever I get upset it pops into my head without a conscious effort. That’s what I need to happen with my self-talk when I talk to people, or hear things that are upsetting to me. The same way I can remember that verse, I can remember my written self-talk also.

The Power of Auto Suggestion

Last night my husband and I had the rare opportunity to watch a DVD together without being interrupted a million times. We watched last year’s season conclusion of “Battlestar Galactica.” One of the subplots involved a father/son dynamic. The father is the Admiral of the fleet, his son is the dutiful military son, who wanted to stretch himself into another direction. They had a big fight and weren’t speaking to each other for an episode or two. Anyway, my husband mentioned that this is what he fears will happen to him and our son. He was raised solely by women and had no relationship with his father, or any other male family member. As soon as he mentioned this, we had to stop the DVD because I told him that he needs to get that idea out of his head because if he doesn’t it’s going to come to pass. The alarms that went off in my head while he and I were talking reinforced that I do understand and believe the power of Auto-Suggestion. Now, I just have to make it work for me.

In accordance with Napoleon Hill’s directions, if you mix emotion with thoughts you have a very powerful mixture indeed. When Akraam mentioned his fear to me, it really made me see the importance of mixing the right emotions with our thoughts in order to avoid disaster. Negative emotions such as fear, hatred, envy, etc. will only reap the things that you don’t want to happen. I also have a better understanding that I have to really, really believe what I am saying in my self-talk in order to achieve my goals. Setting a goal half-heartedly will only lead to disappointment and failure, something that I’ve experienced in the past and don’t like. I am trying to stay positive even as things that I thought were long buried resurface as I go through this mental cleanse.

Being blue, it is very easy to get distracted from what I’m trying to do, especially now that so much emotionally charged landmines are surfacing. So, persistence is something that I must consciously work towards. My first step to do this will be to follow his instructions and read Chapter 4 aloud every night until the system is cemented into my psyche. I want better for myself and my family and this baby step is one way that I can do this.

Thanks for listening,

Cheryl