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Yes!  You Can Enjoy The Holidays This Year…
By, Rory F. Stern, PsyD

For most people, the holidays are a time of year with a certain
level of conflict or inner turmoil.  On the one hand, there is
great joy and pleasure in celebrating and being with family.  And
yet on the other hand, there are a lot of people I talk with who
are fearful of what the holiday brings with it (because of family
expectations and history).

No matter how you approach the holidays this year, I want you to
know that there are steps you can take right now to ensure that
the holidays meet your expectations.  There are things you can
prepare for today to make sure the holidays don’t let you down
and don’t get built up to a point where you can’t even enjoy
yourself.

For some, the holidays are about religion, and for others the
holidays merely represent a time to reflect…  A time to be
thankful, and a time to be with family (where we hopefully can
put aside our differences and enjoy each other’s company).

Having lived both sides of the equation, there tends to be a lot
of build up around this time of year.

Here are six steps you can take today to set the tone and enjoy the
holidays in whatever manner they mean to you and yours.

Step 1

Be very clear on what you want for the holidays this year.
Is it about a religious experience?  Is it about being with family?
Is it about presents?  Forgiveness?  Or being thankful?

There is no right answer, and often times, there will be overlap.
But I think it’s important to step back and think about what the
holidays mean to you.

Step 2

Communicate with your spouse or immediate family members
ahead of time instead of the day of or day before (especially if
travel is involved).  Different families come from different
backgrounds and upbringings which leads to different wants, needs,
and expecations for each individual.

Step 3

Make a decision together about how you will spend the
holidays.  Compromise is key, and listening is even more important.
Take a moment to hear what your loved ones have to say, and remove
the emotional component (if there is anonymisty or arguing over
whose family you will spend time with and for how long).

Step 4

Go in with a game plan for how your family gathering will
go, and have an agreed upon exit strategy.  For those of you with
young kids in particular, there can be additional pressure and
stress from balancing your own time with managing how your children
are holding up and experiencing the family.

Step 5

Be aware of family roles.  I am often amazed at how we
take for granted the various roles we play in life, and how they
change based upon who we are with.  For many couples (and even
individuals visiting their own families), there is a tendency to
fall back into the roles we play with our own families versus how
we are with our spouse and children.

Don’t overlook or take for granted the power of history and roots.
You must consider and be aware of birth order, family role, and the
stories that go with it.

Step 6

Last but not least, I want you to have a strategy for how
you will handle specific conversations.  With children and family
roles, I often hear from my clients about how one particular family
member, cousin, or relative starts the same-old song and dance
conversation about how you are as a parent of your child.

My advice here would be to shut that conversation down as soon as
possible.  Respond with respect and authority that closes the
conversation and does not put you on the defensive or invite
additional comments.

These six steps are of course NOT the end all be all of your
experience.  And for everyone here, I truly hope that you don’t
need these steps.  It is my hope for you that you get to enjoy the
holidays and see them as a positive time in your life.

These steps can be plugged into to any day of your life, and I
share them with you now because I know first-hand the pressures we
often place on ourselves (along with the expecation) of how
wonderful the holidays “should be.”

This holiday season, as we approach special times, I wish you and
yours only the best.

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WANT TO REPRINT THIS ARTICLE OR SHARE IT WITH OTHERS? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: ADHD advocate and coach Rory F. Stern, PsyD publishes the weekly [Symptom Free]  newsletter for families living with ADHD.  If you are looking for practical advice and strategies that will help cut down the constant stress, frustration, and overwhelm in your life, be sure to download your complimentary ADHD Essentials Audio Kit from the premiere online resource for families with ADHD. http://www.adhdfamilyonline.com
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A few weeks ago I told you about my new love of lapbooking. If you haven’t tried lapbooking yet or are looking for a new one to start, be sure to click on the Autumn Treasures picture on the right side of this page (or click here). That will take you directly to your download.

Have fun!

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